d3bansen: (Default)
2024-12-28 11:02 pm
Entry tags:

finishing this year omg...

there's still like a week and a half left, it's 17 of december, december 17, i'm so incredibly exhausted, even tho i feel like i barely did anything

it's now december 28, i was doing something when i started writing this. i finished my week long work schedule at the jewerly, it was hard but i will earn a lot of money from it so i'm very happy about the hard work this month.

my boyfriend came home yesterday and gave me a christmas present, i already knew what it was but my family made me open it in front of them lol it was really awkward, but it made me happy, i always end up feeling really happy when we are together.

today, saturday, it was a normal day at work, it feel slow and quiet, after christmas season everything feels quiet lol.

~anime~

some weeks ago we started watching beastars, i already read the manga when it came out but i've never seen the anime before, except for like the first 3 chapters of the first season, and it's kind of underwhelming but at the same time i really really like it :3
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-09-30 05:26 pm

it's the last day of september

I come back here again, after saying something like "I will update this weekly! I promise!" :( I still want to keep that promise, but personal life and work and college are sucking up all my life energy lol

A little bit of a recap, I have gone out with my boyfriend a lot, I love how we are friends before we are a couple, I really like that. I haven't got the time to draw or write for my page, I want to delete a segment that felt right just by the time I actually thought of it, but it's fine, it can stay like that for a little longer.

There's personal drama happening right now, omg... but if things go the way I think they'll go, it'll end up being a suuuper boring drama, but enjoyable right now, I'm laughing at a wimp.
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-08-01 02:42 am

it's almost 3 am

i like my bf a lot....
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-07-29 04:50 pm
Entry tags:

relationships etc etc

The day of my last entry was the same day I asked that guy to be my boyfriend, or more like I told him I liked him, like a verbal confirmation of the way I was feeling. So since July 17th We've been together? LOL
I worked ALL week last week, I really wanted to write about how I was feeling, but it was a difficult task as I was at work all day. Now I'm free! I can rest today and tomorrow and then Wednesday I have a very stressing thing to do and AFTER that I can rest again some days. I want to be alone.

I'm not good at relationships, I usually find people annoying, I find myself one of the most annoying people, as I don't have a very good self esteem, but I have to control that since now I'm sharing my time with another person in a romantic aspect, woah... I really have to.
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-07-17 12:08 am

talk at work

Last saturday I had a very pleasant talk with one of my coworkers, she's 10 years older than me, so when we talk we usually talk about life, or our lives in general, I think that's common. So, Saturday, I remember we started talking about zodiac signs and how we are very compatible. I don't believe in zodiacs, but I do kind of believe in a destiny, that there's a reason why things happen, and having this conversation I asked her when was her birthday, for my surprise, her birthday is also my mom's.

I do believe there's a reason why I meet people, out of all the people I met working (that's not a lot, but it some, you know?), I think this is a very fun coincidence. But she's just my coworker, you know? I am friendly with her, I like her a lot, but I wouldn't call her a friend just yet.

Well, today we were talking about this boy I've been having uhh... feelings for? For some weeks, to be honest, and so I talked about my experience at love with her, also to know about her feelings and maybe I could get some sort of clue of what I'm supposed to do next without asking her direcly. And so I spilled the beans, lol, that's how you say it? I told her my only other experience in having a relationship was with a woman, but my ex is actually transmasc, only that when we were together he still presented as a woman, since he hadn't come out ot the closet yet. So in my eyes I dated a woman.

I explained all of this to her, kind of nervous, of course I was nervous, but I knew she wasn't exactly homophobic. To my surprise she told me she also had a person she had a thing with that was also a woman. I was so surprised, but at the same time, not? It's just that I never imagined, but it did not not make kind of sense, I don't know how to explain. And she told me her little story and how she liked her a lot. I won't say much about her story, but there's something that made me specially happy, that was that at the end of this part of our conversation, she told me she was a little relieved.

She hadn't told this to many people and that she was happy we shared something like this, or I understood that in her words, I feel the same. She told me, "So, we are two bisexuals", yes, we are. I hadn't used that label in myself for maybe two years, but I think that by definition I am bisexual, we are bisexual.

Her taste in woman surprised me tho lol She liked a very androgynous girl, very masculine. I like cute people, my ex is really cute I believe, and the boy I like right now is cute as well, the two of them are not really that masculine, but I don't mean this in any offensive way, sorry if it comes out like that.

Also hum... Me and my friend, this guy, we kissed this Sunday, I still feel my stomach weird when I remember the sensation, his face looked funny the second before we kissed and the wetness that he left on my lips, this sounds disgusting? Maybe, but I really liked the sensation. I'VE KISSED BEFORE, HELL, I'VE KISSED LIKE I WAS DESPERATE FOR SOMETHING, but this kiss was so short and soft, maybe because I really like him? I don't know, of course I like him, enough to feel this happy about such a simple thing, happy? Excited, I feel ecstatic.

I want to ask him to be my boyfriend, I was actually waiting until August to ask him, but I don't feel like waiting that much, maybe I'll do? But what I really want is to tell him I like him, that's something important to tell someone you kissed, right?

I just realized last month that I might actually have romantic feelings for him, I wasn't happy about the realization, he's a very dear friend to me, I didn't want this to happen to be honest, I feel scared about romance more than most things, but maybe I should be brave sometimes. To be honest, I liked him since last year but there was no way I was going to pursue anything, even now, I didn't mean to, but things just happend and it's not like I feel regretful about it, I wish I don't feel like that any time soon, nor any time.

Tomorrow I have my last test this semester, so I'm going to see him and to be honest I didn't study for even an hour, but I don't think I'll do that bad, it's just that he's so dilligent and inteligent I feel kind of inferior in that aspect, I felt the same with my ex but because he was better at art than me, isn't that such a fun fact?
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-07-04 07:08 pm
Entry tags:

graphic for this blog

Today I finished this graphic I intend to use in my website when I finish the new design. The guy at the right is my persona but their design is simplified ahaha. I really like how it turned out.
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-07-04 06:58 pm
Entry tags:

this week so far (it's thursday)

On tuesday me and 2 of my friend's went out after our english test to eat donuts, I like donuts, but I think I've been eating too much lately, specifically, going out to eat. Last month I spent 50 usd from my +90 usd paycheck LOL that's too much! And almost half of it was just food, what's my problem.

Yesterday (wednesday) I went to the market with my brother, I made him walk 40 minutes because I got lost... It was supposed to be a 20 minute walk, but it went well I think, I bought a hoodie for 1 dollar, isn't that amazing? I love buying cheap things. Quiero cachurear hace mil años pero no me he dado la oportunidad de salir a hacerlo lol.

After that something weird happend on our way home with a neighbor, so we had to go to talk to some firefighters to get some kind of help.

After that I had to go to college auurghh... I still have more test to do, I don't wanna anymore -_- But ! I got to experience heartbeats, isn't that good?
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-07-02 09:46 pm
Entry tags:

june update

You guys are not gonna believe this, I think I have a genuine crush on someone, but again I'm not doing nothing about it lol. Actually, I am trying a little, but it's really hard, it's my first time liking a boy so it's been so weird and a little uncomfortable, since I'm new to this things.

Oh, happy Pride Month! I hope everyone had a fantastic month, I didn't do anything for it this year, I can't rememeber if I did last year.

I usually come here to talk about college and the website, but I'm tired of college so I'm just gonna say that. About the website, I wanna start all over again, the site is shit and lots of images are down, hell even the guestbook is down now, so I'll have to do another one lol A lot of people unfollowed me, but that's normal, it's been half a year and I barely take a look around once a month or so. I really wanted to be more active but it's been hard, and I've been really fucking depressed for some reason, I don't feel like doing things hmm.


Look at this drawing I did yesterday for artfight as a goodbye to this post.
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-05-16 02:13 pm
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fun fun fun!

Got a partial confirmation thw guy I was faking a crush with has a girlfriend, idk why it did hurt me a little but those are the short and boring news about myself.

Yesterday we finished class late, it was already dark and my friend came from her college (that's an hour away from ours) to leave with her other friend (that's also my friend, they're just best friends lol) AND on wednesday's I usually wait for my best friend so we can go home together, her college is just 5 minutes walking. So! The fun-happy thing is that we all went home together, with one more friend of ours (we're all been friends for years now) and I was just so happy, so happy, I couldn't believe how happy I was.

I bought berlines for me and one of my friends and they were just so good, like, yesterday night was the best thing ever this year for me, and it lasted, what, an hour and a half? It was just so fun.

Also my best friend had my Cherry Magic vol.1 that I bought from her some weeks ago, so, apart from seeing my friends I got my yaoi manga LOL


[30-SAI MADE DOUTEI DA TO MAHOU TSUKAI NI NARERU RASHII]
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-04-30 08:28 pm
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first time maintaining a real life job

Almost a month ago I contacted a woman that would likely give me a job at a jewerly shop. The most I knew about this job was that I was gonna work on the weekends, that sounds fine, I like resting a lot since I'm tired all the time, but it couldn't be so bad, y'know?
I was hesitant at the moment, I didn't really know if I wanted the job or not, but something like that, it didn't sound so hard, like working on a pizzeria's kitchen... Oh, God, what an awful experience.

Things now are better, I'm less stressed about it at least. I've gone to work twice already (It's actually just Saturdays!), it's tiring but I get to be sitted down, so it's nice. The worst part in my opinion is NOT KNOWING A LOT (ANYTHING?) ABOUT JEWELS, that's definitely the worst worst part, but I'm still new so I can better, and I've been trying really hard not to cry sometimes, I'm quite sensitive to being such a mess in general.

I'm already 20 but I can't do this things that should be easy, or at least easier. My time at that pizzeria were truly awful, I don't like sharing that experience anymore, it wasn't so hard but I was really weak then lol I still think I am very weak as a person, mentally, but if I've been able to do it this far maybe I really do have a chance to be a functional adult in society one day.
d3bansen: (Default)
2024-04-29 11:03 pm
Entry tags:

life/website update

hello everypony! I haven't been around here lately, I'm so sorry, suddenly I got overwhelmed with my responsabilities and stopped writing about myself this often lol.
I haven't updated my website on months, I've been planning on deleting it (the content indide) and start from 0 again, since lots of my links are broken and so, and my designs turned out to look worse and worse :/ I should at least have this blog alive! I'll try to update at least weekly if I can, I'll try not to forget u.u

d3bansen: (Default)
2023-12-01 07:56 pm
Entry tags:

finishing my first college year!

Today I had my last test but I still have to take 3 more exams in 2 weeks, so I'm not completely finished, but I feel more freedom now! I had tests nonstop this week, so I'm happy it's finally over.

I want to draw more and write more html, even if I don't have the inspiration right now to do so... I want more projects! OH! I mentioned here some months ago how I'm participating on a Fear & Hunger Fanzine, I should probably finish that first than starting new things, and finish a Python course I'm supposed to have ready by the 31st of december, yes, that keeps bugging me.
d3bansen: (Default)
2023-11-15 11:33 pm
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i had a guest today

Last week I invited my best friend (I feel weird calling anyone that, but I think she fits the 'best friend' label) to my house so we could watch some movies and have some time together. We don't usually do this, if ever! But I would like to spend more time with her, I got caught up in the moment and said: Let's hang out next week! 'Okay!' And that day had ended!

We had lunch in the cafeteria at my college, it was full since it really was lunch time. We ate (I had a lot, I think she had a lot too but I didn't ask) and then we came to my house. Is an hour long trip to my house, unlike hers that's a little less, so we arrived kind of tired lol.

Then, the moment of truth, the movie! We had a lot of options (or at least I had a lot of them in mind), but we decided to watch 'But I'm a Cheerleader' since it was a movie that had been a lot of time in both of our watchlists. It was so bizarre! I didn't expect it to be that kind of movie, I kind of thought it was going to be a little bit more serious, but it was just absurd humor, and I liked that a lot, it was a nice surprise, I think.

We finished that and continued watching 'She loves to cook, she loves to eat', a Japanese Drama we started yesterday in a call on discord. Both of us read the manga already, I think she read until the beginning of the 2nd Volumen and I already finished reading that volume (there's no scans for the latest 2 volumes!!!) And it's such a good manga! I love how it talks about gender and sexism, those kinds of themes I really like reading in manga (Kind of reminds me of 'Papa Told me'!) and the actresses are so fitting to the manga characters is a very fun show to watch!

We've also talked a lot about food related manga, yuri manga in specific, I love those. Watching this drama with her has been lots of fun, we have 4 episodes left, I hope we finish it together soon.
d3bansen: (Default)
2023-11-15 11:17 pm
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talk about classes, boring!!!

Everytime I talk abot tests in here I say something like "Oh no, I messed up", because that's how I always feel about tests lol

THAT WAS SOMETHING OLD I WROTE I STILL HAVEN'T GOT THE SCORE OF THAT TEST IN SPECIFIC. Tomorrow I have, guess, THREE tests in a row, I'm very tired but hopefully I'll do okay in those. I've been so busy with college now that the year is ending and vacations are so close by, I just want to rest and draw and write and think about Christmas and no more classes please... I'm not in love with the career I choose, so now I have to bear with this amalgamation of so not-very-good thoughts about it.
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2023-11-04 09:49 pm
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again about college uuhhghhh

I didn't do good in my last test, talking about what I think about my performance, because I haven't got my grade yet, but I know it won't be great. I had an average score in my "Desktop App Development" class, t makes me a little sad, but it was all I could do. I feel very unmotivated about college right now because of my grades, and some other things but I think scores break my heart the most.

I should study harder, I know, that's the only real solution there is, but even when I study some things are really hard for me to understand, and that feeling of not understanding makes me incredibly sad.

That's all I wanted to say, I know I'll feel better in the future, but taking this out of my chest makes me feel a little better.
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2023-11-02 07:58 pm
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(notitle) dream 02.11.23

Context- I took a 2 hour nap after I arrived home. I have an important test tomorrow.
Featuring- Spanish ver. at the end

CW-- There's a scene with mild sexual harassment in the 2nd parragraph.


ENG:
I was in one of my classrooms, it was a computer lab, I think I was in one of the computers at the end of the room, there was hardly anyone. A random male classmate, another classmate, a girl, sitting on an armchair (which was just there, there's no armchairs in the rooms in real life) and a teacher.

The teacher approached that classmate, who was not paying attention to anything in specific, had her eyes lost as if she was thinking of something, I did not speak to her nor knew her at all, but I did not like the way this teacher approached her, he began to say strange things, like reciting a poem to her, it turns out it was the lyrics to a popular song, I can’t remember which one now, but it was so awkward to watch and my classmate still didn’t realize what was going on, so I walked up and stood between the two, The professor pressed his body against hers, I was very disgusted just to see that.

I got in the middle and started pushing the teacher while I was yelling at my classmate to please move and leave, there she realized what was happening and left the room quickly, then I followed her. She was very quiet, I imagined it was because she was trying to process what had happened, but she was already quiet.

I asked her if she was okay, she didn’t answer clearly. I don’t remember how it happened, but I took her to the college theater, clearly this wasn’t my university, although I still didn’t realize I was in a dream.

There were several people in the place, they were preparing for a play, I had an acquaintance there, a man, maybe 30 years old, wore a short blonde wig and a red dress that barely covered his legs, had a certain resemblance to Marilyn Monroe, was very sympathetic. He spoke to us for a while about the play and how excited and happy he was to get on stage, in that moment, I say that my dream was to someday be able to perform in a play, I could feel how she turned to see me, my own words embarrassed me.

He retired, we were alone again, there I asked her again if she was okay. She didn’t answer me at first, she asked me if what I had just said was true, I said yes. She didn’t tell me directly, but I knew that the reason she was curious was because of the kind of career I was in, there was no way that what I was studying could one day make me participate as an actor in a play, I understood, but I didn’t mind the idea of maybe never being able to fulfill that dream.

After the silence she spoke to me again, as she looked at me, I looked straight at her face. She said she wasn’t sure what she was going to do from then on, she probably didn’t have anyone to talk to or anything like that, she didn’t look like the kind of person who was alone, I assumed she had friends, But when she said that I tried to remember if I’d seen her with other people before, then I realized she wasn’t real, but I still kept the dream going.

I told her that if it didn’t bother her she could be with us (referring to me and my friends), she smiled at me, I don’t know what face I made, she replied that yes, she would like that, and a Thank you. I looked at her for a few seconds, she wasn’t exactly my type, but the way she talked to me made me want to get to know her more, but I knew she wouldn’t be able to, since I already had realized this was a dream.

Everything went dark, there were some curtains still covering the stage, we looked at it, in complete darkness drops began to fall from the sky, it was impossible that it was raining in a roofed place, but that was exactly what was happening. In front of the stage, on the floor, there was a giant piano, the white keys of the piano looked navy blue through the night sky that had appeared out of nowhere, a melody began to sound, like a lullaby.

I watched the piano for several seconds while the song was playing, there was no one with me anymore, but I didn’t look at my side, I didn’t have to confirm anything. Then I woke up.

ESP:
Estaba en una de mis sala de clase, era un laboratorio computacional, me parece que yo estaba en uno de los computadores del final de la sala, no había casi nadie. Un compañero random, una compañera sentada en un sillón (que solo estaba ahí, no hay sillones en las salas de la vida real) y un profesor.

El profesor se acerca a mi compañera, que no estaba prestando atención a nada en específico, tenía la mirada perdida como si pensara en algo, yo no le hablaba ni la conocía de nada, pero no me gustaba la forma en la que este profesor se le acercaba, le empezaba a decir cosas raras, como a recitarle un poema, resulta que era la letra de una canción popular, no puedo recordar cuál ahora, pero era tan incómodo de ver y mi compañera aún no se daba cuenta de lo que estaba pasando, entonces me acerqué y me interpuse entre los dos, el profesor apretaba su cuerpo contra el de ella, me daba mucho asco solo verlo.

Me metí en el medio y empecé a empujar al profesor en lo que le gritaba a mi compañera que por favor se moviera y se fuera, ahí se dio cuenta de lo que estaba pasando y salió rápido de la sala, después la seguí. Estaba muy callada, yo me imaginaba que era porque estaba intentando procesar lo que había pasado, pero ya de por sí era callada.

Le pregunté si estaba bien, no respondió claramente. No recuerdo cómo fue que pasó, pero la llevé al teatro de la universidad, claramente esta no era mi universidad, aunque aún no me daba cuenta de que estaba en un sueño.

Habían varias personas en el lugar, se estaban preparando para una obra, yo tenía un conocido ahí, un hombre, quizás de unos 30 años, llevaba una peluca corta rubia y un vestido rojo que apenas le cubría las piernas, tenía cierto parecido a Marilyn Monroe, era muy simpático. Nos habló un rato sobre la obra y lo emocionado y feliz que estaba por subir al escenario, en eso a mí se me sale que mi sueño era algún día poder actuar en una obra de teatro, pude sentir como ella se giró a verme, mis propias palabras me avergonzaron.

Él se retiró, de nuevo estabamos solas, ahí le volví a preguntar si estaba bien. No me respondió al principio, me preguntó si era cierto lo que había dicho recién, le dije que sí. No me lo dijo directamente, pero sabía que la razón por la que eso le daba curiosidad era por el tipo de carrera en el que estaba, no había forma que en lo que estaba estudiando pudiese algún día participar como actor en una obra, lo entendía, pero no me molestaba la idea de quizás nunca poder cumplir ese sueño.

Después del silencio volvió a hablarme, mientras me miraba, yo le miraba directamente en su cara. Me dijo que no estaba segura de lo que iba a hacer desde ese momento en adelante, seguramente no tenía a nadie con quien hablar o algo por el estilo, no se veía como el tipo de persona que estuviera sola, yo había asumido que tenía amigos, pero cuando dijo eso intenté recordar si es que antes la había visto con otras personas, ahí me di cuenta de que no era real, pero aún así seguí con el sueño.

Le dije que si no le molestaba podía estar con nosotros (refiriéndome a mí y mis amigos), ella me sonrío, yo no sé que cara hice, me respondió que sí, que le gustaría, y un gracias. La miré por otros segundos, no era exactamente mi tipo, pero la forma en la que me hablaba me daban ganas de seguir conociéndola más, pero sabía que ya no se iba a poder, porque me había dado cuenta de que era un sueño.

Todo se puso oscuro, habían unas cortinas tapando el escenario aún, miramos hacia él, en completa oscuridad comenzaron a caer gotas del cielo, era imposible que estuviese lloviendo en un lugar techado, pero eso era exactamente lo que estaba pasando. Frente al escenario, en el suelo, había un piano gigante, las teclas blancas del piano se veían de un color azul marino por el cielo nocturno que había aparecido de la nada, empezó a sonar una melodía, como una canción de cuna.

Miré el piano por varios segundos mientras sonaba la canción, ya no había nadie conmigo, pero no miré a mi lado, no tenía porque confirmar nada. Entonces desperté.
d3bansen: (Default)
2023-10-29 01:50 am
Entry tags:

dibujito

A placeholder I just drew for my page. It holds all that's dear to me. When I was drawing the chickens I realized that last night I had a dream where my granny killed the rooster, it was one scene in a very anxiety-inducing dream, but I was sad. Death is obviously a sad thing, they don't even have names, we refer to the chickens by their feather's colors and the rooster is the rooster of course. My two cats, they don't like eachother that well (The fluffy one hates the fat, and the fat always teases the fluffy.) And my dogs, dachshund is young, she has 6 months and is full of energy, the son is an old man, he will turn 10 this january, and his mom is resting in heaven, I miss her a lot and hold her dear in my heart.
d3bansen: (Default)
2023-10-28 12:23 am
Entry tags:

magistream wishlist

My wishlist for Magistream! I want eggs and hatchlings, no adults! And at best no frozen ones as well, but if I could get frozen eggs/hatchlings I would be happy too hehe. This is like a "dreamlist", more than wish, but I think that's okay too.

Username: bbb3esen

Stream:
Black Winged Cat
Dark Pegasus
Ibex
Dark Winged Cat
Humming Birds
Pinto Pegasus
Cervinus Deer
Paervem
Manticore
Ruby Kordaetis Elephant
Kaetus
Tenabre Fox
Purple Celestial Butterfly
Aselis
Topo Wyrm
Wind Hydra
Corax Raven
Silvan Otter
Osqual
Medonho Pesadelo
Karcharos Shark
Arkenian Sea Leopard
Ambula Bat
Latifra Beast
Any Borean Wolves
Silvan Narasad
Silvan Krotalo
Hazel Farir
Potooto
Desert Courshound


Shop:
Direwolf
Silvian Alphyn
Noctis Enox
Axolotl
Ice Octopus
Albino Direwolf
White Tundra Tylluan
Black Tundra Tylluan
Alpine Yale
Saevym
Silvian Serpaen
Arkenian Serpaen
Pine Nulorn
Paper Butterfly
Arkenian Alipaca
Spotted Nivalis Bear
Odan Galopin's Flaming Comet
Seer Butterfly
Plushie Bear
Kamitori
Shika Mizu


Pond:
Goldfish
Charaen

Quest:
Icist
Foenaran Nimbii
King Foenaran Nimbii


Event:
Calidaes Reindeer
Snow Dragon
Pyrix
Snow Hare
Sintervos
Hollowjack
Foxfire Skulk
Swirled Winged Cat
Caramel Gryphon
Wikken Cat


Donation:
Kamar Rabbit
Chestnut Kirin
Earth Unicorn
Frost Unicorn
Temple Dog
Kiwi
Akhlut
Tempest Storm Steed
Eclipse Spectral Wolf
Elisium Kirin
Fire Kitsune
Caramel Mokaia
Cherry Mokaia
Riverdancer
Sepia Sepiida
Vernal Butterfly
Lakireldar
Borean Chirrups
Temple Runner
Icy Whisper


Bred:
Piebald Cervinus Deer
Direcore
d3bansen: (Default)
2023-10-27 11:44 pm
Entry tags:

brainstorm about website (neocities)

Hi! I'm not sure how many people will read this, but I've been writing in this blog without making a big deal about if people read it or not. I didn't mean to do this introduction, but when it comes to changes of things other people enjoy then I become quite nervous.

It's been a year since my last theme, the brown one, and it's not the "theme" that troubles me but the design itself. It looks untidy and even I (YO) the person who is behind it doesn't enjoy looking at it too much, and we are talking just about the index. What I thought today was that I should probably stick to just one theme, one design, but a very beautiful and that looks that I put all my effort on it. Of course I've been doing this for my html and css for the past 2 years, but I want something else, something that feels like me, and that always seem to mess me up, since I don't think people really enjoy what I truly want to share.

First of all I have to came up with the design, I have rough sketches and ideas already, I've also wrote some html and css, but it doesn't feel enough. The colors mess with my head as well, for me it feels like wearing clothes, the sizes and textures make me wear clothes I don't feel comfortable with, but to look pretty I need to endure this sizes and textures, and I become tired. (Funfact about me: I don't wear shoes in my house, but I thik this is a normal thing to do? I don't know, tell me about you.) I want something simpler, but that looks fun as well, all I want to is for me to have fun when I look at it, to want to read my own things, to share my happiness and be happy doing it, and it's always seemed such a difficult thing to do.

I try to do all of this without thinking about what other people think, I'm working that with my art as well (although I haven't draw anything in almost a month), and seriously, what a hard thing to do when I've been feeding on the acceptance of other people on the web since I'm a kid. Coming back to this place, I want it to feel refreshing, like it was before, a place where I'm just myself, and socializing is in second or third place in my priorities, that is my ideal.

That's why dreamwidth has become such a comforting place to write on. I don't feel pressure from myself in here, I write mostly to myself, like I said in the beginning, it's even surprised me that people read my posts!

Oh well, coming back about my website, I'm a simple gal on the inside, maybe I should stick with that.

I've been thinking about making it gray even, I really love the color grey (is it a color?), but then I think, colors are such a wonderful thing, I want to be colorful as well! This is my struggling on mixing colors, that is such a hard thing to do and my computer's screen show the colors way different than what it really looks like, that's also difficulty when I try to come up with designs and colors.

I think that's all for now, but last thing in my mind: The content should be more important than the face of it, face should be a second place priority! And that doesn't mean that it isn't important!

Thank you very much.
d3bansen: (Default)
2023-10-22 09:56 pm
Entry tags:

i love this video so much

I had to show it to everyone, this is crazy good, I love the music, the fact that they are rehearsing, the movement, I adore it. Actually, I'm gonna post this on my youtube in case they delete it, i won't be able to live up if that happens.

Here's a link for archive intentions:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/iQDYzQWfWkY
I read this dancing is called Oberek, a traditional dance from Poland, Podlasie.
It has a page on wikipedia, heh... Also gonna put it here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oberek