talk at work

Last saturday I had a very pleasant talk with one of my coworkers, she's 10 years older than me, so when we talk we usually talk about life, or our lives in general, I think that's common. So, Saturday, I remember we started talking about zodiac signs and how we are very compatible. I don't believe in zodiacs, but I do kind of believe in a destiny, that there's a reason why things happen, and having this conversation I asked her when was her birthday, for my surprise, her birthday is also my mom's.

I do believe there's a reason why I meet people, out of all the people I met working (that's not a lot, but it some, you know?), I think this is a very fun coincidence. But she's just my coworker, you know? I am friendly with her, I like her a lot, but I wouldn't call her a friend just yet.

Well, today we were talking about this boy I've been having uhh... feelings for? For some weeks, to be honest, and so I talked about my experience at love with her, also to know about her feelings and maybe I could get some sort of clue of what I'm supposed to do next without asking her direcly. And so I spilled the beans, lol, that's how you say it? I told her my only other experience in having a relationship was with a woman, but my ex is actually transmasc, only that when we were together he still presented as a woman, since he hadn't come out ot the closet yet. So in my eyes I dated a woman.

I explained all of this to her, kind of nervous, of course I was nervous, but I knew she wasn't exactly homophobic. To my surprise she told me she also had a person she had a thing with that was also a woman. I was so surprised, but at the same time, not? It's just that I never imagined, but it did not not make kind of sense, I don't know how to explain. And she told me her little story and how she liked her a lot. I won't say much about her story, but there's something that made me specially happy, that was that at the end of this part of our conversation, she told me she was a little relieved.

She hadn't told this to many people and that she was happy we shared something like this, or I understood that in her words, I feel the same. She told me, "So, we are two bisexuals", yes, we are. I hadn't used that label in myself for maybe two years, but I think that by definition I am bisexual, we are bisexual.

Her taste in woman surprised me tho lol She liked a very androgynous girl, very masculine. I like cute people, my ex is really cute I believe, and the boy I like right now is cute as well, the two of them are not really that masculine, but I don't mean this in any offensive way, sorry if it comes out like that.

Also hum... Me and my friend, this guy, we kissed this Sunday, I still feel my stomach weird when I remember the sensation, his face looked funny the second before we kissed and the wetness that he left on my lips, this sounds disgusting? Maybe, but I really liked the sensation. I'VE KISSED BEFORE, HELL, I'VE KISSED LIKE I WAS DESPERATE FOR SOMETHING, but this kiss was so short and soft, maybe because I really like him? I don't know, of course I like him, enough to feel this happy about such a simple thing, happy? Excited, I feel ecstatic.

I want to ask him to be my boyfriend, I was actually waiting until August to ask him, but I don't feel like waiting that much, maybe I'll do? But what I really want is to tell him I like him, that's something important to tell someone you kissed, right?

I just realized last month that I might actually have romantic feelings for him, I wasn't happy about the realization, he's a very dear friend to me, I didn't want this to happen to be honest, I feel scared about romance more than most things, but maybe I should be brave sometimes. To be honest, I liked him since last year but there was no way I was going to pursue anything, even now, I didn't mean to, but things just happend and it's not like I feel regretful about it, I wish I don't feel like that any time soon, nor any time.

Tomorrow I have my last test this semester, so I'm going to see him and to be honest I didn't study for even an hour, but I don't think I'll do that bad, it's just that he's so dilligent and inteligent I feel kind of inferior in that aspect, I felt the same with my ex but because he was better at art than me, isn't that such a fun fact?