Wu Lei Picspam: looking up

11 November 2026 21:47
tinny: Close-up of Wu Lei with long Dongji hair, his head propped up on his hand, looking so soft (wulei_so soft)
[personal profile] tinny
I haven't made a My Wu picspam in half a year and my collection has doubled in that time, oops. It now contains 2300 pictures of him (not counting his dramas). So, next up: the images in which he looks up at the camera - not too much so, just a slight angle, I'm very peculiar about that.

Other Wu Lei picspams so far: The Elf Look, Nothing But You, Amidst a Snowstorm of Love, The Young and Sporty Look, The Long Ballad

All 67 pics separately downloadable in full size from this gallery: https://postimg.cc/gallery/WJR5D83

or in one zip file here: https://www.mediafire.com/file/qf4k74we7mvy61y/wulei_picspam_look_up.zip/file

Enjoy!



( 66 more )


I've made a ton of icons of these already, here's a small selection:

( 12 more )

Something that happened today

11 November 2026 21:12
adore: (Default)
[personal profile] adore
The pizza truck came by my neighbourhood this evening, and I was entertained by a little child on a bicycle stopping in front of it and declaring "I want pizza": not to anyone in particular but to the world in general, because no accompanying/supervising adult was present for applications to buy pizza, but the PSA had to be made. XD

I had fresh-baked pizza for dinner and it was a delicious treat. Another treat was sitting in a beam of winter sunlight this morning, and even when it had moved, I was still reading in bed with the covers up.

I talk about my mental health struggles on here, and I feel so understood and a lot less alone talking to y'all in the comments of those posts. [personal profile] alatefeline shared helpful resources with me, too. I'm not going to be limiting myself to sunshine and rainbows here, because my journal is one of the few places I can be myself. And it's y'all who make me comfortable being myself, so I'm grateful 🩷

I was contemplating changing my username to [personal profile] skullmaiden because my heart's been feeling alt, and my mind emo. But I have made it a separate journal instead. I figure that I can process some of my gloomier thoughts there. Especially the mental and emotional equivalent of pacing my cage, going around in circles. And post things that I want to write but hesitate to, in case I bog people's reading pages down, perhaps. I'm not sure yet.

While [personal profile] skullmaiden is a part of me, looking back at my herstory I know that I've been pastels-and-kawaii more consistently than anything else. So I think I shouldn't be hasty in changing my username here, but shouldn't suppress the dramatically goth part of me either; she needs expression. I contemplate all this, but both journals may not end up being all that different in what I write in them, because they're both me.

I got art commissioned of Melna, the heroine of my cozy fantasy novella Dollshops and Deathmages. Isn't she so sweet?!
( Art )
Nankuii from Kingdom of Knuffel is the artist. I'm planning to commission art of Clariel, too. 💖
pauraque: drawing of a wolf reading a book with a coffee cup (customer service wolf)
[personal profile] pauraque
In a fantasy empire called Dominion that's loosely based on interwar Britain, a historian named Owen Mallory is delivered a manuscript that appears to be the long-lost original tale of Una the Everlasting, a female knight who is a culture hero of Dominion as well as Owen's passionate interest. He learns the book was given to him by Dominion's Minster of War, Vivian Rolfe, who explains that she doesn't want Owen to translate it, but to write it. Something has gone wrong in history, she claims, and he needs to travel back to Una's time to ensure that she becomes the hero Dominion needs and her story is told. But when he's sent back, he realizes Una isn't just a legend but a real human being, and he begins to have doubts about his mission and Rolfe's true motivations.

Around here we like to talk about how unsurprising it is that many professional storytellers love to write stories about the power of stories. This is another one of those. A lot of it is about how the founding myths of countries are the countries as much as borders on a map are. These myths shape how we think of who we are and where we're going—and what we're willing to suffer through, what injustices we'll countenance, if a leader presents them in a way that seems to fit the narrative. While I could see some of the obvious ways the book is playing with Arthurian legend specifically, I suspect that aspect would offer more to chew on for real Arthuriana buffs.

I'm not the ideal reader for a book that hinges on a romance, but I did respect that this book is saying something nuanced about love. It argues that you can't love someone by controlling them, and that a committed relationship entails a certain level of duty. There's both a tension and a balance between connection and agency. A lot of media does not care about this at all, enthusiastically endorsing horrifyingly codependent relationships, and I was relieved this book isn't like that. (I also found the sex scenes believably kinky, deeply rooted in character, and very hot—and it's rare for me to not skim sex scenes, so this is a huge compliment from me!)

The plot is well-constructed and continues to hold water even as the time travel machinations get more complex, and I felt I was figuring things out along with the characters rather than reveals being telegraphed too early or never fully explained. The prose reads smoothly with no weird tics, neither too plain nor too florid, staying out of its own way.

So the book has a lot going for it. Where it fell down for me was in its gender politics and perspective on history.

cut for length and spoilersIt's apparent pretty early that Vivian Rolfe is deliberately reshaping history to enable her own rise to power. It turns out that she has been time traveling herself, and she is not only the legendary Queen Yvanne but also every queen of Dominion throughout history. She's been sending Una and Owen back in time over and over again, training them to have the skills necessary to play their role in her chosen story, and continuously editing the timeline to promote imperial conquest and eventually fascism. At first Una and Owen don't remember the time loops, and the plot is about them awakening to what's happening and derailing Vivian's scheme.

The problem that I have with this is twofold:

1) The story locates the origin of imperialism and fascism in one person, not in structural/systemic factors, and I don't agree with this. It's the Great Man (or Great Woman) theory dialed up to magical extremes. The narrative does acknowledge that even if Vivian is defeated, bad stuff will still happen in history, but its position appears to be that if we just get rid of this one person, nobody else will ever come up with the concept of large-scale conquest or fascist rule. This seemed ludicrous to me.

2) Because of this, the book makes imperialism and fascism into specifically female inventions. Vivian is EVERY powerful woman throughout history, so the book can be read as stating that powerful women are all the same and all evil.

I'm not saying you can't write women villains, but there are no non-evil female leaders to contrast Vivian with. Una is a heroic woman, but not a leader; after she escapes from being Vivian's puppet, her happy ending is to retire to her own private life and be remembered only as a minor legendary character. So it's a story about an ambitious woman who creates a mythos about women's power for her own gain—and the conclusion is that mythos is erased and the world is left with no stories about powerful women at all.

I did like that Vivian is a competent villain who genuinely challenges the protagonists and is tough to beat. But her motivations are vaguely defined and she never makes a very strong case for why the protagonists should go along with her, which is a problem because the whole plot hangs on her having convinced them to support her ambitions again and again and again. It's too obvious that she only cares about her own power. There's a scene where she says her purpose is to create strong role models for girls, but she's clearly bullshitting, and I don't get what the book is trying to say about that. People who claim to be fighting sexism are evil liars? Vivian's backstory is that she has been victimized by misogyny, and I agree that becoming a fascist dictator is not the solution to that, but the book doesn't really present any alternative ideas to address misogyny, or even show that women will be any better off after Vivian's gone.

Relatedly, I wanted the story to be more interested in the level of power the protagonists have once they control the time travel book. Neither of them ever seems tempted to try to use it to make the world a better place beyond just getting rid of Vivian, or wonders if they might have a duty to do so. And I'm not saying that they should have tried to do that—I would argue that they shouldn't—but I thought it was odd that it was never brought up at all, that they have this immense power and they've left it literally sitting on the shelf. The plot presents a world-scale problem but then narrows down to really only care about these two specific protagonists and what a happy life means to them, and that didn't work for me.

I get that this world only exists to be an alt-Britain so the worldbuilding is just lightly sketched, but the sketchiness bothered me at times. There's an alt-Christianity of some sort with vague mentions of a God and a Savior who are kinda the same person, but it gets no development and has no impact on anything. Why does this exist if nothing was going to be done with it? Does the author not think religious power structures and faith traditions have anything to do with imperialism, or...? But this, again, is my core issue with the book, that it portrays imperialism as caused by One Bad Person rather than being embedded in systemic phenomena.

As an aside, this won the Hugo this year, and I do have A Plan for how I'm going to work on reading the Hugo-winning novels. The number of them is daunting, but finite!

Doom and gloom

8 November 2026 22:04
adore: (pearl)
[personal profile] adore
I thought it was just PMDD but since this has been going on for a couple of weeks and I'm still feeling like this four days into moontime, I think I've relapsed into depression. I don't know what to do. I know what the trigger was, it's always anger at something that was done to me, anger at my family. But my PMDD always dredges up memories of my doozy of a childhood, and the consequent blues usually fade once I start bleeding. Not this time.
( Processing the mother wound )
I'm spending as much time in the refuge of my room as I can, because I had nowhere to go to, nowhere I was safe growing up.

But even though I have my own room now, I'm not safe from my own head. Apart from the awful thoughts, memories and emotions, I also have my mother living inside my head. By which I mean that I was surveilled so much in my childhood that whenever I imagine saying or doing something, I automatically also imagine my mother's reaction to it, as though I can't hide from her or exist independently of her judgement. Perhaps part of why I got into idol fandom was so that I could take the parasocial aspect and run with it: so that I could have someone who doesn't know me in my head, witnessing my outer and inner life, instead.

I'm trying to do things that will uplift my mood, but my brain is struggling to synthesise the good chemicals. I'm watching k-pop and reading fic, but I'm struggling to focus and the moments in-between are heavy with hopelessness. It's been a year since I was laid off from my last job, and I don't see a future for myself. Of course my anger at my mother can't abate when my circumstances are still shaped by her refusing to allow me to accept my dream job offer! Why did I think this was going to be okay with time when circumstances don't necessarily change with time? How much can time heal, anyway, if my life is stuck and not moving forward?

That said. If you have some particularly delectable k-pop recs, whether that's a stage edit from a concert, a variety show or an MV, do comment them. Maybe the depression can be fanserviced away.
tinny: Something Else holding up its colorful drawing - "be different" (Default)
[personal profile] tinny
Not a lot, but these are the things I learned in September and October:

( 13 things, mostly new words, science, and historical things )
pauraque: Guybrush writing in his journal adrift on the sea in a bumper car (monkey island adrift)
[personal profile] pauraque
Surprisingly, as a kid who was passionate about both sci-fi and adventure games, I never played any of the Space Quest games in my youth. I'll be rectifying that now, starting only four decades late. (How does it go, best time to plant a space tree was 40 years ago, second best time is today? Something like that.)

on board a spaceship with a body lying on the floor, the player has typed 'look body' and a text description describes the corpse and says that you rationalize there is something to be said for not being the hero type

With this series, Sierra's intention was to branch out from their successful King's Quest games and offer a fresh setting and more comedic tone. This first Space Quest game uses the same engine, UI, and general gameplay design as the first three KQ games, having you move around with the arrow keys and use the text parser to type commands, but it is a bit sillier. You play as a spaceship's janitor, finding yourself the sole survivor of an alien attack because you were taking a nap in the supply closet when the bad guys boarded. Now, armed only with a mop and bucket, you must escape the ship and find a way to foil the evil Sariens' plot.

( cut for length )

Both the original 1986 version and the 1991 remake of Space Quest 1 are commercially available in a pack of the first three games in the series on GOG for $9.99 USD. (You can disregard older reviews furiously frothing about the remake not being included; it is now.) Steam also has all six Space Quest games for $19.99 USD.

Fannish October

4 November 2026 18:30
tinny: Close-up of Wu Lei with long Dongji hair, his head propped up on his hand, looking so soft (wulei_so soft)
[personal profile] tinny
In a suprise move, I watched a whole 20-episode cdrama and a whole mini drama in October. Oops. :D

Movies


One of my watchalongs watched the Minions and Monsters movie this week, mostly because it fits the Halloween season. We both found it meh. The humor is a bit too kindergarten-paced, especially in the beginning. The rest makes up for it with a ton of old Hollywood pastiche and less predictable plot later on. Not quite a rec, but also not terrible.

TV finished



Irreplaceable with Zhao Jinmai and Wei Daxun


I watched some AvenueX videos and she (kind of) recced Irreplaceable. It's a modern office drama/romance starring Zhao Jinmai as a young business consultant out to dominate the industry (and become irreplaceable) and Wei Daxun as her mentor and love interest, and I thought, wow, how often does it happen that I know and like both leads? It kept on being excellent all the way through and I finished it within three weeks.
more commentary and some pics
The characters are just a tiny bit too calculating for me, but the drama itself is not lingering on the embarrassment nor the schemes nor the revenge. And in the end, they're all pretty good people. It's mostly realistic and relies on the plot to make the impact, without needing to embellish it. And I really like that! The romance is really well set up and the slow burn is excellent. The romance is relatively central in all the character interactions. Although once they're together, I found it less romantic than I'd hoped: they are barely kissing. Otoh, they get to insinuate a spicy love life by talking about it but never actually showing us anything. That was kinda weird. Plus, especially in the beginning of all the romantic pairings, whenever the show is really trying to be romantic, it pulls out the oldest tropes in the worst way. They all somehow manage to course-correct eventually, though, and I admit I was impressed a few times with how they stood the tropes on their heads. The whole "FL needs to be smart in her job" angle is definitely working for me, too, and so is the storytelling: down to earth, logical, with the main storytelling device being misdirection and explanatory flashbacks (fine with me). I am not a fan of age gap when the man is older, and he is older by over ten years in this case, but I liked the relationship dynamic a lot! She's more than his equal, and they both have insecurities, and I love that. I also warmed to the second and third couples. The friendship between the two FLs is wonderful, too (and includes a ton of queerbaiting, if that's a thing you like). Also, the OST is like 80% English songs, some even from artists whose voices I recognize, so that's very unusual for a cdrama (and I admit I love it, I never really got into Chinese music of any kind). Overall: surprisingly good, definitely a rec!


second couple


third couple


god I love that dress - and I hate the wrist-grabbing trope


the sex life is implied


queerbaiting between her and her best friend


queerbaiting between her and her best friend


( two more dramas: The One and First Note of Love )

My watchalong watched the remaining s5 eps of Phineas and Ferb, so we're all done with that season now. It was fun! I'd watch it again. :D

Wu Lei


At this point, I think it makes the most sense if he gets his own category...

He posted pictures from London, was in Shanghai for a Young Filmmakers convention and in Macao for some kind of gala. He went bouldering with a co-star. He did an interview with Marieclaire (translation/summary here on twitter).
pics

Bouldering (may have been in August, maybe? but only posted in October)


Photoshoot done in London (when he was blond, in September)


Photoshoot done in London (when he was blond, in September)


Macao gala outfit


Macao photoshoot


Young filmmakers photoshoot


He was nominated for a Golden Rooster (for the space movie that was only in theatres for three days *sob* and consequently nobody has seen yet), along with Tan Jianci (for The Empty Gun) and Tony Leung. What a combo. I also recognize one of the other nominees from The Long Season.

The new season of his biking vlog is supposed to come out this week. He made a bilibili account just for that.

TV continued


I had to watch another ep (17/36) of Love has Fireworks, for reasons, but all that did was remind me how much better Irreplaceable is, so that didn't go anywhere.

Love Beyond the Grave is still in this category, still on 24/40. I made quite a few icons from that, and am motivated to continue now that I've mainlined Irreplaceable, lol.

TV (dropped)


I had hoped I'd just power through the remaining three episodes of Nobody Wants This season 2, but... it didn't happen. I might pick it back up but right now I have other things on my list, so...

Rewatches/Watchalongs


The Heated Rivalry watchalong is on ep3, so far definitely enjoying that. (It takes a bit of thick skin to co-watch it, even with your partner. But we manage. And the show is just so well made, there's always something to discuss.)

The other watchalong had a few missed weeks in October, but we managed two more eps of Nothing But You. I love that show so much.

Upcoming


There's a new bombastic trailer for JianLai, the fantasy wuxia starring Wu Lei. I'm very much looking forward to that drama. It's slated to come out next year. (trailer on twitter)

I also saw a trailer, just today, for My Chef in Crime with Jeff Satur. That will start airing on Thursday. I'm definitely going to at least attempt to watch that. (trailer on youtube)
pauraque: drawing of a wolf reading a book with a coffee cup (customer service wolf)
[personal profile] pauraque
This is the first part of my book club notes on New Voices in Chinese Science Fiction, an anthology of work by Chinese authors who had not been previously published in English. It's edited by Neil Clarke, Xia Jia (author of "What Does the Fox Say?" from The Way Spring Arrives which we read last year), and Regina Kanyu Wang (co-editor of The Way Spring Arrives). From Xia Jia's introduction, it sounds like a lot of these folks know each other through workshops, which seem to be a big part of the Chinese SF community.

The intention of the anthology is clearly to show that there are many different things being written in Chinese SF that might appeal to different readers. (There's more out there than just Liu Cixin!) These first four stories were quite varied in tone and content.


"My Family and Other Evolving Animals" by Shuang Chimu (2019), tr. Carmen Yiling Yan

( An aspiring naturalist and her family move to a closed-ecosystem space station where changing conditions cause the animals on board to quickly evolve. )


"The Bridge" by Liu Xiao (2018), tr. Andy Dudak

( A man who made his living traveling to a moon via a natural orbiting bridge finds himself left behind by technological and social change. )


"Tombstone" by Yang Wanqing (2017), tr. Andy Dudak

( A post-apocalyptic city-state uses the souls of the dead as a power source. )


"PTSD" by Hui Hu (2016), tr. Rebecca Kuang

( Corporations and exploited individuals clash over the consequences of VR tech. )

2nd Nov

2 November 2026 22:33
adore: (reality tv)
[personal profile] adore
I went to watch Wicker in the theater and it's so good, y'all. It's funny, sweet, romantic and a bit bawdy, the antagonists are very kickable and my heart broke at one point, but it was all right because the ending was *chef's kiss*

My stomach has been bloated and achy the past two/three days and I don't know whether that's because of the rainy weather or because my moontime is due. Probably both. It was bad enough that it was waking me up at night. I've gotten a small bottle of carom seed concentrate that I'll drink from if gas pains wake me up again. Additionally PMDD is causing depressive moods and bouts of seething rage. Not Fun.

I'm getting through AO3's two-to-four-week offline time by reading Alternity, a HP roleplay written from 2008 to 2015 (before JKR's flagrant moral disgrace) in which the characters keep journals, LJ-style, during an alternate timeline of events of the seven years HP is at Hogwarts. It explores what might have happened if the baddies took over Wizarding Britain, and there's an underground resistance. The format feels like reading someone's Network or Reading Page. Celia Lake was one of the players writing it before she was Celia Lake, and her cozy historical fantasy writing journey started with some seeds of inspiration from this RP (including narrative time coalescing on the day-to-day unfolding of a character's life during a particularly transformative time, and magic affecting history) so it's also interesting reading from that point of view.

created stuff

2 November 2026 22:06
candyunicorn: (boy)
[personal profile] candyunicorn

I might just be a really bad student. I did absolutely nothing during the 5 day break and we have a quiz or something tomorrow for a topic that I know nothing about. but what's new? typical self-deprecation from me but know that I'm like, not that upset about it right now. I got back my exam for this class, the one I studied all weekend for, however inefficiently, and my score was lower than the previous one. Am I going to fail? yeah, like, that's totally possible you know. like, *big deal*, right?

I did a lot of creating for the past few days. pretty cool. I edited a cringe music video, drew a handful of drawings that I thought looked cool, wrote fanfiction. some really bad things also happened and I cried a lot but they're locked away right now. not feeling it

I had or have a crush on some random stranger on the internet and there is literally no rhyme or reason why. I don't like it but I feel it so strongly. I thought I had reconciled with it months ago when I confessed. I did that and I was no longer thinking about them. but something happened and they were the one that popped up in my mind when I needed something. I have fistfuls of worms that I feel like dumping right onto their plate.

I feel like a whole lot of nothing. elation? where is my ecstasy? I've already learned that creation can also feel exactly like the dopamine slots machine, because at this point that's just how addict brains are molded. so the joy from creation is just as shallow as the joy felt from internet gluttony. I feel like not many realize this! this is exactly why artists get art blocks and whatever. true-value happiness is a time-bound thing. but I guess it means something that bodies take sowing happiness seeds for the same shape as those motions it gets addicted to. thus supporting my theory: that destruction is a type of creation. it differs, because creation…it truly is wonderful


candyunicorn: (Default)
[personal profile] candyunicorn
An index of my fics for No Fic November 2026. You can check my reading page or this journal under the `works` tag for entries too.

DayPromptFinished work (Fandom; Ship; Rating)
01SUNSETBoys from the TRC (HNDR; N/A; Gen)
02STITCHFor you (HNDR; Omokage Yugamu/Sumino Takumi; Mature)

introduction

1 November 2026 07:55
candyunicorn: (Default)
[personal profile] candyunicorn

I decided that I ought to include a welcoming buffer to this journal now that I've shared its link around enough.

this is where I talk about my day. all the bad stuff is funneled in to a condensed stream of self harm. embarrassment comes with the brunt of what I write here, but this is the river where all those little fairies die and I allow its existence. my happiness may visit sometimes but they're often elsewhere, on my other sites and profiles.

I make minimal effort to tag my posts individually, so just be careful. if something is marked "viewer discretion is advised" then it must contain self harm and disordered eating. alongside just deprecating things lol.

thank you/I'm sorry/it makes me happy

to be seen at all


(no subject)

31 October 2026 21:11
adore: (Default)
[personal profile] adore
At its core, “Attack Helicopter” is about the intersection of gender and American hegemony. On that level, it has plenty to say even to cisgender people. After all, if all gender is on some level a performance (and it is), then it can be co-opted and perverted by the state. But if it’s also innate on some level (and it is), then we are powerless against whatever it is that enough people decide gender performance should look like. We are constantly trapped by gender, even when we know we are trapped by it. You can’t truly escape something so all-pervasive; you can only negotiate your own terms with it, and everybody’s terms are different.

- Source on Isabel Fall's story
pauraque: Guybrush writing in his journal adrift on the sea in a bumper car (monkey island adrift)
[personal profile] pauraque
Happy Halloween!

Wrapping up spooky month, I have one of the classics of dark adventure games—not quite a horror title, but occult-themed with some freaky moments and on-screen gore. Gabriel Knight is a down-on-his-luck novelist in New Orleans who's hoping to use a series of recent murders as inspiration for a new book. Though the cops keep saying that the killings are drug-related and the "voodoo" trappings at the crime scenes are just a hoax designed to scare rival gangs, Gabriel comes to suspect there might be a real group of voodoo practitioners in the city whose influence has been hidden for centuries. What's more, their history turns out to be intertwined with his own ancestors, revealing truths about Gabriel's destiny that his family has tried to shield him from all his life.

in a museum full of voodoo paraphernalia, the narrator describes a large snake in a plexiglas cage

This game was very ambitious for its time, presenting a heavily-researched, strongly-written story grounded in real places and history, and featuring a full voice cast of professional actors. Gabriel himself is voiced by the late, great Tim Curry, with supporting roles played by Mark Hamill, Leah Remini, and Michael Dorn.

It has so much going for it... and yet, when I first played it in the '90s, I never finished it. Having finally done so now, I think the game showcases a lot of what was great about '90s point-and-clicks, as well as some of the genre's pitfalls.

( cut for length )

Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers is on Steam for $5.99 USD, but on GOG it's on sale for $3.89 until November 5th. Note that the game has (and has always had) some audio encoding issues that unfortunately make the voice tracks quite crackly, but there is a free fan patch that makes it sound far better.

(There's also a "20th anniversary edition" remake with completely redone graphics and a different voice cast, but I haven't played it. Whatever positive qualities it may have, if it doesn't have Tim Curry, I have to admit I don't see the point.)
adore: (Default)
[personal profile] adore
Misunderstood

Growing up, Dam had absorbed the mythology of the first kiss. She had waited for hers with almost spiritual longing. And today, finally, she'd had her turn.

After lying to him that she wouldn't be able to come see him, she had surprised her boyfriend with her presence. He had already resigned himself to the starvation of her absence. So when Wooyeo strode to her and kissed her with hunger, surprising her in return, she thought it was perfect that she was experiencing her first kiss with him, her first love. It sealed their fate together with cosmic certainty. Never mind that Wooyeo was a nine-tailed fox camouflaging as a human, who had lived nearly a thousand years and kissed as many women, while she was only nineteen and he was her first. He made her feel special. No, she was special. She was pretty sure he had become a Humanities professor at her university just to get close to her. How daring, how thrilling to kiss him secretly in his office, and she his student!
( Read more... )
Notes
Nine-tailed foxes are called Gumiho. Gu is the number nine in Korean.

ugly ugly, bodies

29 October 2026 22:34
candyunicorn: (Default)
[personal profile] candyunicorn

some very interesting articles/blogs about nullification surgery: https://neogenitals-evangelion.neocities.org/ https://github.com/Nullodyke/Let-s-Touch-Scars

I'm supposed to love life and this world. I love people and that I swear is true. I think the world is beautiful, and the world is sex.

but I deeply dislike bodies. I despise sex—it's repulsive. and thus, bodies, by its very essence and nature. I wish for nothing. nothing at all.

I don't get it. I guess you could say I dug myself into this hole. but it angers me because I know I'm not wrong. tonight I feel very wrong.

joy for me is just elsewhere and I need to keep searching. it's lonely here.


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